Uni, Unwelcome Contact and Other Stuff

I got into UQ! Next year is officially going to be NOT a waste of time. Unlike this year. Which was completely wasted. I've enrolled, and I've mapped out a timetable on paper that gives me Thursdays and Fridays off. Fingers crossed I get in early enough to get those classes.

Unfortunately, the awesome mood that put me in was dampened rather severely when Kahli texted me. Kahli was the girl who shared a house with me and Jess from November last year till March this year. We were all really good friends. She suddenly moved out (after I already had) and totally fucked Jess over. She also kinda fucked me over because of bills. Jess and I had been trying to give her a better life, because before she moved in with us she was on drugs and in an abusive relationship and an alcoholic. We (mainly Jess) changed that completely. But then all of a sudden she just went back to it all. Through all that hard work back in Jess' face. They'd been friends for something like 8 years. Out of the blue tonight she decided to text both of us. Now Jess is horribly depressed again, and she'd been doing really well lately. I'm so angry at Kahli. She had no right to contact her. Stupid bitch.

In other news, I got my tattoo touched up today. It killed. It was so much more painful than getting it done in the first place. I'm also sick. The kittens are playing and attempting to adventure. They're so cute. I'm not looking forward to parting with them. And work is still good. Busy. Really busy. And I had to give away my 8 hour shift today because of this stupid illness. Ugh. I have work tomorrow night and then two days off and then five days in a row. I hope I get better before those five days start. Because if I don't, I'll probably stay sick all through them, and then be sick for Christmas. And I refuse to let this Christmas suck in any way. I've put way too much effort and money into it!

Kittens and Stuff

Sometimes I wish more people read my blog. People I don't know even. I wish I had more people who could give me advice. But at the same time, I don't want everyone to know about everything I write here. This conflict complicates things.

My cat had her kittens the night I last blogged. Well, technically it was the next morning. I woke up at 2:30am to her meowing really loudly. As soon as I got out of bed, she stopped. At the end of my bed was this tiny little grey kitten. She'd already cleaned and fed him. Once I was there, she left him with me and went under the bed to keep giving birth. I watched while she had another two. I sat there for another 45 minutes while she cleaned and fed them, and all I had to do was pass her the first born (she'd apparently decided I could look after it). She was amazing. Since nothing was happening, I went back to bed. But when I got up in the morning, there were two more! Five perfect little kittens. There are three boys and two girls. At the moment, a little girl temporarily (or potentially permanently) named Panda is my favourite. I'll be keeping one, and if I had to choose right now it would be her. She's loud and super cute, with really interesting markings. I'm super proud of Mai. She's an amazing little mother, especially considering she's only 10 months old herself.

I'm still slogging away at my job. Getting a lot of hours, which is good and bad. Mostly good - I need the money for Christmas. Tiny bit bad because I'm pretty much tired all the time now. But that's okay. It's only for a couple of months, then Christmas period will be over and it'll be back to just a few days a week. At least it's a pretty good job.

I'm back on my calorie counting tomorrow too. Made the most of it tonight - chicken nuggets and chips for dinner, ice cream and Milo for dessert. I might even have some more Milo when I climb into bed to read. Or when I plonk down in front of the TV to watch Frasier. Whichever I decide on doing. I'm looking forward to it though. I've felt so heavy and unhealthy this last week. I can't wait to get my exercise bike. *yearns*

Karli and I are learning to squeeze each other in. We're both working so much now. It's important to me though, that we spend time together, because she really is an amazing person. I'd hate to lose her for any reason. Plus, it's just fun hanging out with her. She gets me. I never have to pretend or force anything with her.

I've been seeing Emily a bit lately too, which is really good. She's having a rough time, and I'm glad I can brighten her day, even if it's only for five minutes.

I do miss staying over at Jessica's house though. I haven't in ages because of the cat pregnancy, and I won't be staying anywhere overnight for another couple of weeks yet, until I'm certain the kittens are developing properly.

Less than a month until Christmas! That's exciting and daunting at the same time. I love Christmas, but I still have so many gifts to buy! *freaks out a bit* It'll be okay though! I'll get them.

Also, I REALLY want to know if I got into UQ. If I didn't, I'm not studying first semester next year, and I need to make sure I'll be getting enough hours at work to do that. I better get an offer in the first offer round. I don't wanna wait till January.

Scary Stuff

One of my best friends literally could have died about an hour ago. Some guy tried to mug him. Pressed a knife into his back. Fortunately my friend dropped his phone, and when he went to pick it up the guy didn't move. So my friend bolted. He's pretty fit because he plays indoor soccer, so he got away pretty easily. But what would have happened if he hadn't dropped his phone? Or if the guy had stopped him from picking it up? It really makes you appreciate your friends...you know...when they almost die.

On a happier note, Harry Potter was amazing. Of course, it always is. But they did a fantastic job with this movie, and it was so different from the others. I think taking away the Hogwarts setting really changed the movie. And for the first time, I was actually impressed by Emma Watson's acting. Maybe she won't be crap after Harry Potter. I also like her new haircut. She chopped it all off. Looks quite good on her.

I was going to do a big, proper blog, but I'm really tired.

Quick News Break

I switched my preferences around on my uni application. I put the double degree first. Which means there's a good chance I'll be starting a four-and-a-half year course next year. I'm really looking forward to getting back to real uni. USQ was such a half-assed version, and I just hated it. It's such a relief that it's over. I actually ended up skipping my last exam. There was absolutely no chance I'd pass it, since I'd only done the first five weeks' worth of readings. I just didn't care anymore.

So now I'm on holidays, and it's really really nice to not have uni stress in the back of my mind 24/7. I can relax guilt free for the first time since the semester started. I've still got work of course, but it's not like it's full time or anything. Freedom is sweet.

I'm starting to think about maybe wanting a relationship finally. I'm still not going to actively look for one, but I'm not totally opposed to it anymore. I even have a sort-of crush. I doubt it'll become anything though.

My kitten is going to have kittens any day now. It seems so bizarre, because she's only 9 months old. But she's having them anyway! Little tart. The vet said there's three or four babies in there. She's very miserable at the moment because I've been keeping her inside ever since I found out, which was a week and a half ago. She's definitely an outside cat. She's also extremely affectionate, which was cute at first, but now it's just irritating. She's constantly all over me. I can't wait till she has the babies. They're gonna be so cute, and I get to keep one.

Turns out tattoos really don't hurt that much. People make them out to be such a big deal, but mine was pretty much right on the bone and it wasn't that bad at all. *shrugs* I dunno what the big deal is. Pumped for my next one though! Won't be till after Christmas :(

I think that's about all I have to say today.

Update!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while guys. I've been pretty flat out really, and on my days off (when I get them) I've just wanted to lounge around and be useless. But I've returned!

I ended up applying for uni again. My first two preferences are both UQ, which is where I wanted to go in the first place. They're the only major university in Queensland that actually offer an English major in their Arts program. Not English Literature, not English as a second language - just English. THANK YOU. So that's preference number one - BA at UQ majoring in English. Haven't decided yet whether to put Literature as a second major, or just do the one major and some electives. I'll figure that out if I get in. Second preference is their double degree, Education/Arts. All my other preferences are Education programs at other universities.

Work has become 'just work'. It's still okay, I don't hate it or anything. But it's still retail, and it's still just a casual job. Until I start some kind of fulfilling career, I'll never be truly happy with a job. It's definitely bringing in the moolah though.

I'm finally getting my first tattoo on Saturday. I'll post a photo when it's finished. I'm so excited. Dad asked me if he could get the same one, he loved the design so much. It says Ben in this childish font, with a screwdriver under it. Ben is my two-and-a-half year old brother, for those who don't know, and his favourite things in the whole world are screwdrivers. It's going on my foot, between the ankle bone and heel. Dad said he's also getting one on the other foot with my name and a book.

I finished all my assignments for this semester, which is a huge relief. Now I just have three exams to study for, and from 10:30am on November 12th I will be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! That is a very good thing, because this semester has driven me nuts. Ugh. Stupid USQ. I hate it.

Well, I don't think I have any other news. Mai is just being her cute, kitten-y self. Oh, my calorie counting is going quite well. I've only had 3 days this month that I've gone over my maximum. I set up an Excel spreadsheet for it, actually. It tells me whether I've lost or gained weight each day, or just stayed the same, depending on my calorie intake for the day. Then it gives me percentages of each for the month. I'm sitting on 48% loss, and most of the rest is 'same'. Pretty happy with myself. I'm not weighing myself, but Dad said I've lost weight *happy face*. The best part of calorie counting as opposed to normal dieting is that I can eat anything I like, as long as I don't have too much or I compensate in other ways (like, if I have a chocolate bar, I won't have milk with my dinner). It's great.

Ok, now I don't have any more news for real.

Uni

Mind has changed again. I've decided to apply for a Bachelor of Education at Griffith, with UQ and QUT as back up preferences for next year. I couldn't stomach the thought of just working in retail all year again. I need to be striving towards something. So that's what I'm gonna do. Teaching has always been in the back of my mind. It's always been my back up career. I feel like I would feel really fulfilled in that job. I want to teach senior secondary, mainly because I think I'd get bored teaching the easier stuff. I want to teach English and History. That's my current plan. We'll see how long it takes for me to change my mind again!

That sickness went away pretty quickly. I had a really good long sleep on Monday night and woke up 100% on Tuesday. Woohoo!

I don't really have much else to talk about tonight. Just thought I'd update y'all on my uni plans :)

It starts off depressing, but don't lose hope!

I hate that even though I enjoy my job, I still spend the entire shift wishing it was home time. I still get that horrible feeling in my gut when I wake up on a work day. Does that ever go away? Will it go away once I have a career, or will it just get worse because I'll be working full time? Is it just retail that does this to me?

I'm sick again. I really really hope it doesn't get awful. At the moment it's just that achy, icky feeling with the lethargy and the headache and such. Made today's shift almost unbearable, but I made it. Sunday rate was worth it. I have tomorrow off now too, which means no work for three days. If that doesn't let me get better, nothing will. I'm so glad I have such nice bosses. Jenny told me not to even worry about swapping shifts, just don't come in. Take some medicine, haha. I still feel bad though, because I haven't been working there long and I didn't want to take any days off until I'd been there at least one month. But after working the whole weekend feeling like crap, the thought of working tomorrow nearly had me in tears. It also means I didn't have to do my assignment tonight and I can do it tomorrow. That's definitely a plus, because I don't think my brain would have functioned enough to let me do an assignment tonight. Too exhausted.

I get my big pay in tomorrow. Pretty pumped for that. I'm going to buy my parents presents for lending me money so many times over the past few months, and I'm also buying Jessica some Microsoft Points because she's dying for some and has no money. I'm buying some of those for me too, and doing a huge grocery shop. Assuming that the servings listed on the recipes are right, I'll be cooking myself 13 meals on Tuesday. I'm just going to freeze them all. I hope they're nice, because I'll have 3 each of 4 of them. The other one is only one because it's a pork chop thing and pork chops are expensive. That one is a treat for myself :) They're all low calorie meals that I found online too - less than 300 calories per serve! Which rocks, because I'm allowed up to 1500 a day, so either I'll lose heaps of weight OR I'll be able to eat chocolate. Lol. Either way. Both options seem pretty good to me!

Anyway, I'm going to curl up in bed and watch a movie, and pray that when I wake up I feel better, not worse. Fingers crossed.

Next year

I'm still really liking my new job. One of the girls quit today too, which sucks because she's really nice but is good because I'll be getting more hours. I'm hating uni right now though. I just have zero motivation for it because I don't even know if it's what I want to do anymore. So I've 99% decided not to study next year and just work heaps. I've gotta check with my bosses that they can guarantee me 15 hours a week till March and then 10 hours a week to cover expenses, but if they can I think I'll do that. I don't see why they couldn't - that's not exactly a lot of hours. Plus they're super nice and accommodating and helpful. Fingers crossed. I just need to force myself to finish this semester, which I really don't feel like doing. But if I drop out now I'll get a failing grade. Screw that.

Farewell Unemployment and Poverty!

I have been welcomed back into the world of employment at long last. I started at Howard's Storage World on Tuesday and I'm really enjoying it. The bosses (a married couple with three adult children who all work in the store) are super nice and helpful, giving me lifts to staff meetings and company conferences. The job is interesting, which probably seems surprising since it's a storage shop but I love homewares. The customers are so refreshingly non-bogan I could squeal with delight. As are the staff, who are really friendly and helpful. I'm also not the only newbie, and the other is a 50 year old woman who's never worked in retail before and therefore makes me look like the fastest learner on the planet. She's very nice too.

The awesome part of this job is that it's given me enough funds to get my own internet connection. I just applied for the new TPG 500GB ADSL2+ with home phone line rental. $60 a month for that is just an incredible deal, and I need a home phone line because naked ADSL deals are just nowhere near as good. I think it was $50 a month for 30GB, or maybe 60GB. So crap in comparison. Works out to $15 a week, which is less than an hour's work. Pretty sure I can handle that. It means that between my rent, internet and mobile bills I'll have $603 to pay a month. If my hours continue the way they are, I'll be getting paid $1260 a month, plus whatever I get from Centrelink after I report that income. I might just cover it, haha. Plus groceries of course, but with my amazing budget shopping skills, developed and honed during my three months of unemployed brokeness, I can shop for the fortnight for $80. I'm kinda nervous about how the initial setup fee is going to hit me, because it's going to cost $160 all up including the first month and the $20 home phone deposit, but hopefully that won't come out for at least 10 days. That's what they said anyway - 10 to 20 days to process the application. Then I'll be free of my parents' terrible Optus connection and download limit and be completely independent from them again, despite living in their backyard. Yay! I just need to try to resist the temptation to spend all my money next week. Should be ok, I'm pretty used to not spending money now haha.

I don't think I have anything else to really say tonight. I really want to go to bed and watch Heroes, so I think I'll leave it there. Later folks.

These Days Turned Out Nothing Like I Had Planned

About six years ago, I realised I liked girls too.

Now I'm starting to think they're the only ones I like.

Fear and Truth

I walked past this girl today. She was a twig. Probably weighed about 45kgs, and was a bit taller than me. She was walking, like exercise walking like me. Had the iPod, sneakers and everything. It scared me. What if she started off like me? I'm being really good about my weight loss, not being ridiculous. I have three meals a day and I do moderate exercise. But I know I could slip. I've slipped before. Last year I faked an illness to avoid eating. Jess picked it easily. I have to be so careful. I have my little checklist so that I have to eat every meal and stuff. And that's working perfectly now. I just have to make sure I don't lose the plot.

I think I've made a realization about myself. I'm not sure if it's right, because I'm still figuring out who I am. But you know how so many girls now are 'bi-curious', meaning they're straight but they like to mess around with girls for fun? I think I'm the opposite. I don't think I actually like men at all, I think I just like sex with men. I only check out girls. I'm more attracted to them. I connect with them more easily. They don't make me uncomfortable the way men do. And I don't push them away. I always push men away. I didn't go out with that guy. Maybe I really was worried about the kid and the age, or maybe I was worried about his gender. I don't really know. If some amazing guy walked into my life I wouldn't turn him away with a 'Sorry, I'm a lesbian'. Because I don't think I am. But I think I prefer women. By a mile. Like, 9:1 ratio. Sort of ruins my big life plan, but there's nothing I can do about that, is there?

Multiple Thoughts

Now that I'm being really strict on myself, I'm really not finding dieting hard at all. Not that it's exactly dieting. I'm just not snacking and my dinner consists more of vegetables than meat/carbs. It's the exercise part I struggle with. At the moment, I'm just walking for an hour a day. It sounds so easy, but because I push myself to walk quickly it hurts and it's hard. I dread it every day, and spend the entire walk wishing it would end. I really hope that once I get a job and join a gym and can do spin classes and swim, that exercise will become easier. Not physically, but mentally.

My friend sort of set me up with this guy. He's her brother's mate. We just texted for the first time last night, because I hate phone calls and I wanted to know a little bit about him before actually going on a date. I hate dates and blind dates are a million times worse. Anyway, he plays guitar and surfs and is studying community welfare. He starts work as a disability worker in 3 weeks. He enjoys chick flicks and almost any music. He doesn't read much or play video games, but I can deal with that/convert him. He texted me first today too. He sent me a photo and he's nothing special but he's not unattractive. He's just an average bloke. Doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs. Seems perfect. Except he's 28 and has a 6 year old son. I want to give it a shot, but I am worried about the kid part. I'm trying so hard to focus on being young. I guess we'll see. If I don't feel any real connection when we meet I'll call it off. It's not worth dating a guy with a kid just casually. If I'm going to have a fling I want it to be with someone younger and carefree. The other issue is, as soon as my friend told me he wanted to go on a date with me, the first thing I thought was "I don't want a relationship." Not a great sign. I don't know. I'm pretty torn on this subject.

I wish tomorrow would hurry up. It's payday, and I want to pull my money out of the bank and literally split it up into the things I have to pay for and see what's left. I really hope I have enough money for a new bra. All of mine are now officially uncomfortable and not one is supportive enough for exercise. It's driving me crazy. And my tights, which I wear on my walks, are starting to wear through around the crotch (embarrassing) and have a couple of holes in one leg. Please let me get this job.

Following my gut

I'm really hoping I get this job at Video Ezy. I have an interview on Wednesday. Two reasons I want it. First, and obvious, I want a freaking job and I liked working at a video store. Second, it would prove to me that I should always follow my gut. My gut told me to turn down the reception job and, not that I got it anyway, but the Body Shop job too. My gut serves me well (besides being fat, but we'll cover that in a later paragraph, kids). It told me it was time to move back home. It told me not to move to Melbourne when it became a difficult thing to do. It told me to re-establish contact with a couple of people. It told me to stay with USQ even after deciding to stay up here. It knows the score.

I saw a sign today on my way home on the train in someone's front yard. It was a 'For Sale' sign in front of a big tent. It said 'Perfick con'. It took me a minute to figure out that that meant 'Perfect condition'. Why are people so very stupid? It just irritates me.

I'm a little disappointed in myself right now. I've got this big plan thing going on right now. The goal is to be healthy, in shape. Hot, as they say. Also, organized and a good student. I have a daily checklist. I have to walk for an hour (unless I'm out all day shopping or something), study and read for a minimum of half an hour each, eat three healthy meals with optional dessert but no other snacks, and eat a serving of vegetables and a piece of fruit. If I tick each box for the day, I get a little Freddo. If I tick them all for the entire week, and apply for at least one job, I get take away. When I get a job, I'll be joining a gym and revising the exercise part. Yesterday I had KFC for dinner, and snacked on chocolate, because I was staying at someone else's house. If this is going to work, I have to have more restraint than that. Plan in advance - if they don't wanna eat healthy, take healthy food with me and they can get take away. I got lazy, and saw the sleepover as an excuse. Then this morning I skipped breakfast. I can't do that. I have to be tougher than that, or I'll never get anywhere. I have 21 kilos to lose. Twenty-one. That's a lot. I've lost thirty before, I know I can do this. I just need to harden the fuck up. I'm going for a walk now.

Yucky Hands

I don't like winging it. I'm a planner. I like to know what I'm doing, whether it be tomorrow, next year or at the end of my degree. But I don't. I can't figure out what to do. I've already blogged about the possibility of moving overseas for work, but now I'm thinking about moving for study. I can't decide where to go. I can't decide whether to go. I can't decide when to go. England, Canada, the US? I like it here, but I want to try new things. Do I finish my degree first? Once again I come back to my new favourite line: Life decisions are hard. I suppose I'll figure it out at some point.

I get why some people don't believe in marriage, or don't see the point in it. But I believe in it. I want to get married one day. It's the biggest way to tell someone you love them. It says, "Yes I am dedicated to you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." And yes, I know the divorce rates. My parents were divorced. But I don't care. You can't know what's going to happen in the future. My parents loved each other once. They didn't know they wouldn't twenty years down the track. How can anyone know that? I think weddings are beautiful.

I finally seem to have found motivation for this uni work. I was forced into it by looming due dates, and now I'm not finding it so hard. I've been doing uni work all week, getting my essays written. I even want to do my computing assignment right now, but I'm making myself take a break. I don't want to burn out.

I'm really hoping that I get a particular job I just applied for yesterday. Shift supervisor at a Video Ezy. Well well, doesn't that sound familiar? For once I'm the one saying they'd be crazy not to hire me. Seriously? I've done that exact job. Don't even bother interviewing other people. Yes, I am totally talking myself up, but I was awesome at that job, and had it not been for the people (boss, co-workers and customers all included) it would have been great. Like Blockbuster was. I just happened to be working in a shitty area for a shitty man. GIVE ME THE JOB.

I need to wash my hands. They're all yuck for some reason.

Decisions, decisions.

I'm supposed to be walking for at least an hour each day. I seem to have taken four days off, and now I feel really lazy. I am really lazy, but that isn't the issue here. I made a promise to myself, and then I didn't keep it. I know they are the easiest promises to break - those made to oneself - but I'm now disappointed in myself, which is never a good thing. So tomorrow, I am doing my washing, I am going grocery shopping on foot and buying a backpack, and I am WALKING. Hopefully I'll also start my assignments. I have two 1500 word essays due on Friday that I haven't even picked topics for yet. I haven't been very motivated this semester. I really need to pick up my act. I've been keeping up with the bare minimum readings required, but I haven't put any real effort into the course. I think it's because I don't really know why I'm doing this course. Or I haven't known, recently. But I think I know now. At the end of the course, I'll have a huge decision to make. Move overseas or stay here. If I stay here, I'll do a post-grad education course and become an English/History teacher. If I move overseas, it will probably be to England or maybe Canada, and there I will face another decision. Complete an English degree, which is what I really wanted to do at university but is, for some unknown reason, not possible here; or try to build a career as a literary agent or editor. At this point I kind of like the idea of leaving most of my things behind and moving to England to live in a tiny apartment alone with hardly any belongings and working my way up. The only downside of that is the possibility of failure. If I fail, I continue to have nothing. But, I have over three years to make any kind of decision. So I guess we shall see. Making life decisions is seriously hard.

Why are you such a phantom?

Still unemployed, but I got my student start-up scholarship from Centrelink so I'm not totally broke anymore. It's a big relief. Also good timing. I just found out I'm going to be a bridesmaid next month at my friend's wedding. We've been friends for 11 years, since we were nine years old. Now she's getting married. It's just bizarre. So I've gotta get my dress on Saturday (black, which means I can wear it again, hurrah) and pay for my hair and make-up on the day. Hair is optional but as if I wouldn't! I'm pretty excited.

Both of my parents now basically have jobs. Dad definitely, starting on Friday. Bec has a trial week, then if she does well (which she will) has a 7 week contract with the possibility of more work after that. So I'm 99% sure I'll be their housekeeper, paid by having lowered rent. Pretty happy with that, low rent rules. Nearly got roped into babysitting Ben every Monday but fortunately they had a place for him at childcare - I love the kid to death but a whole day looking after him with neither Mummy or Daddy around? That's suicide. Now, if I can just find a job working 1 or 2 shifts a week, everything will be perfect! I have got to get off my ass and hand out resumes. *is lazy*

They're also buying a crappy secondhand car, I think today, which they will replace in several months with a new car and hand down to me! Probably! Lol. Win. So hopefully I won't have to buy a car. Which would be really awesome.

Everything is working out pretty well lately :) And I totally found a new artist that I love - Lissie, album is called Catching the Tiger, she's got an amazing voice. It's brilliant to sing along too :) I'm very happy right now.

Back to SEEK I go.

So I aced my trial today. But I turned down the job. It was 4-5 days a week, long days. If I want to maintain my 6.5 GPA (or improve it) then that just isn't gonna work for me. I want maybe 2-3 days, max. So pretty disappointed, but when I take a step back and think about it, it's not really my kinda job anyway. About 60-70% of the job is putting people on hold to speak to other people. That's not how I work. I'm the kinda person who wants to deal with the problem straight away, and myself. That's why Video Ezy would have been great had it not been for the boss, the coworkers and the customers. The job description is exactly what I like. I did everything - ordering, returns, customer service, banking, merchandising, handling complaints. I like it that way. Either that, or if I have to be an underling, menial work like stacking shelves. So perhaps reception isn't my thing. I think that sadly, retail is my thing. That's pretty lame, if you ask me. But whatever.

Also, I'm having a movie night alone tonight, because the two people I messaged to see what they were doing tonight didn't bother replying. Thanks guys.

There's a first time for everything.

I just dropped a subject for the first time in my life. The plan was to switch to trimesters next year, and study two subjects per trimester. The plan has failed. Most of my subjects aren't offered in third 'semester' (a term which doesn't even make sense). So I'll be doing three subjects per semester instead. I'm also going to do three subjects in this year's third 'semester', which goes over the Christmas holiday period. That way, I only have to do one extra semester at the end. I was going to do the full four subjects this semester but I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the work load on top of trying to find a job and barely being able to afford to eat. It's hard to study on an empty stomach, even if the emptiness is not of food as a whole but of vitamins and nutrients. Of which I am getting zero, I swear. I feel like crap thanks to my current state of poverty. Bleh.

On the upside, I have a trial tomorrow for that job. I plan to be awesome and get the position. I must, I must, I must increase my...bank balance.

But It Gets So Complicated, Everyone, I Fucking Hate It.

I had a job interview today. I really want this job. It's a casual reception position at Computer Alliance, which is so beyond perfect for me I can't even express it properly. The interviewer, who is the financial manager there (and hilariously knows absolutely nothing about computers) was really nice and down to earth. They're very flexible, the pay is great and it would mean not requiring any more job interviews. I'll be getting a call tomorrow to find out if I get a trial on Friday. They did 8 interviews today and they'll trial 3 people. The successful applicant starts Monday. I'm crossing my fingers so hard they just might break.

As for uni, I'm finding it hard to be motivated. Halfway through second week and I'm already falling behind. I have to work harder but it's a real struggle. I hope I get better at this. I'm changing to trimesters after this semester though. I only have to do 6 subjects a year to qualify as full-time and get my full Centrelink payments, so I'll be doing 2 subjects a trimester. Means pretty much zero holidays but I don't care. If I want a week off then I just have to work harder the week before or after. No big deal. Hopefully that will mean awesome grades and plenty of shifts at work.

My parents have gone all Renovation Rescue. On our rental house. It's quite odd. They're doing up one of the rooms for Ben at the moment - stripped the wallpaper, now they're painting. It looks great but I can't help but feel like they're wasting their time. At some point, they'll have to move out of this house. Leave all that hard work behind. People confuse me.

The Near Future

I'm going to apply for jobs on Monday. I am so sick of sitting around doing nothing. This past week has almost driven me crazy. I've been randomly bursting into tears or fits of rage. I threw something at a wall and it smashed simply because it wouldn't work. I'm not prone to that kind of behavior at all. Uni also starts on Monday but I doubt any lectures will be up in the morning. It'll be better once that kicks off but as I'm now studying externally I don't think it will take up that much time. Travel time for a start will save me hours every week. I'm also REALLY sick of being completely and utterly broke, and I REALLY want to get a car. So job time it is! I'm shockingly excited about working again, once I get past the newbie part. I absolutely hate being new at anything. I hate not knowing what I'm doing, whether it be a new job, a new game or a first date. I really hate that feeling. But it will be so great to have money again, for more than half the fortnight, and to be able to save for a vehicle. Dad's back in two weeks so once I get me an automobile he can teach me to drive. I'll be a pro, I'm awesome at it in my dreams/games.

I'm half super excited about this course and half dreading it. It's exactly the kind of course that interests me and sounds far more like what I was expecting from uni than the Griffith one. At the same time, studying blows. Like, really badly. I basically have to read the entire textbook for Anthropology. That should be loads of fun. I also have to read four novels for English Lit, which would be great if they weren't books by unknown Australians. I want to read classics! Famous books by famous authors! Ugh. I just have to get through this subject and then it will improve.

That's all I'm going to write for now folks. My fingers are frozen and typing is just taking forever.

Ecstatic

I feel incredibly lucky lately. There's only one reason though. Jessica and I are back to having the perfect friendship that we'd built before all the shit happened. In the last fortnight I've spent 7 nights at her house. Every tiny morsel of awkwardness has dissipated. She's no longer my ex. She's no longer the girl who's furious at me because I bailed on her. She's the best friend I've ever had again. I don't think anything could have made me happier. I spent months worrying about our friendship. First worrying that it could never be the same after trying the relationship thing, and then that she would never be able to completely forgive me. Sometimes, being wrong is the greatest thing in the world. We are proof that turning a friendship into a relationship doesn't always destroy the friendship. That said, I think we have one of the strongest bonds I have ever encountered. Most friendships wouldn't have survived what ours has. Especially taking into account our mental issues. I think if you put our issues together in one person, they'd have to be institutionalized. Anyway, basically I'm super happy.

I did run into a tree and I did get poked in the eye with a stick tonight though. That sucked.

And I am hungry. And I don't want to get out of bed because it's cold. Dilemma.

Girls Night?

This weekend just gone was the best I've had in ages, and life has been good, so that's saying something. Karli came over on Friday night and we had a ball, just playing video games and being losers. I love hanging out with her because she totally gets me and everything that I'm into, which is hard to find when you're me. Haha. We played Army of Two for about 4 hours, and she's coming over again this weekend to play some more because it's pretty awesome. Then on Saturday I saw my Jessica for the first time in over three months. Nearly cried when I saw her - pretty sure we hugged for about ten minutes. I missed her so much. It was so great, all the awkwardness was completely gone and we kept spontaneously hugging. Watched the HILARIOUS dvd of her being hypnotised in one of those stage shows - funniest thing I've ever seen. Played Lips for hours. Good times :) hopefully will be seeing her again soon. Sure as hell don't ever wanna go that long without seeing her again.

Two exams this week and then I'm free for five! Hurrah! And then I start a course with subjects I actually want to do. I'm so looking forward to that - goodbye, journalism and criminology, you useless pieces of crap. I just hope I'm cut out for external studies. Should be okay though - I'm pretty motivated when I actually want to do the work. Unfortunately, for my exam week I have a cold and my period. Yeah, totally wanting to go to exams now...NOT.

I didn't really have a lot to say, just that I'm super happy after seeing Jess and I'm looking forward to another "girls night" with Karli, hahahahaha. Yeah, super girly.

I Love Daniel Jackson

Currently procrastinating. I'm really over criminology. Probably would be a whole lot less painful had I read the chapters each week instead of leaving them till now, but I take no blame! It's all criminology's fault. Bleh. The exam is tomorrow afternoon and I still have five or six chapters to read. So, intelligently and like the good little student I am, I decided I'd go to my cousin's tonight for Origin and Guitar Hero. Credit or lower, here I come!

I forgot how rewarding friendships can be. I became extremely solitary and hermit-like for quite a while, and I just recently began rebuilding friendships. Downside - social life is sucking all my funds. Lol. Being a loner = having plenty of cash. Ah well. I just have to learn that I don't need to buy something every time I go shopping - which was four times in the last fortnight. Bad Tara. Bad.

I've almost sort of nearly decided that I'm going to do the NZ program through ISV in the 2011-12 program instead of Costa Rica. The program costs are the same, but instead of my flights costing about $3300, they'll be $600-700. Slightly better, haha. I'll go to Costa Rica when I'm rich. Which is totally going to happen. With all my career aspirations and everything...

Speaking of, I never ever want to leave this uni lifestyle. I LOVE life now! I have so much free time, it's ridiculous, because fortunately I don't have to study really hard to get good marks. I'm not being up myself, it's just how it is - I retain information pretty easily. Once I've learned it, I usually don't have to revise it. So I have loads of time to see friends, read, play video games, watch movies, go for walks, play with my brother and my cat. It's awesome. Also, I love learning :) and I've always been jealous of those people with loads of degrees in different fields. Maybe I could be one of them. Maybe I could be Daniel Jackson and be this amazing archaeologist and travel to other planets and be adorable. Ah Daniel Jackson. Really I have no idea what to do with my life, hahahaha. Hopefully I'll marry a wonderful rich man. Fingers crossed.

Dad is now staying in Melbourne probably till Christmas. Which sucks. But Bec made him promise to come up every second weekend. This is why I need to marry rich - I never want to have to be separated because of money.

Party and others

I'm going to a party tonight. I think I've forgotten how to party, lol. I have no idea what I'm walking into. I don't drink either. It should be funny though. Just sitting there watching everyone look like morons. I did decide to socialise more. I think this is my punishment :P Bianca will be there too. Leasha, who's birthday party it is, warned me as though I'd change my mind about going. The thing is, I don't mind seeing Bianca. It's Bianca who can't stand me. She'll have to deal with it though, she can go home and bitch about me in her blog and then move to Melbourne haha. I can't believe she just isn't getting over it. We weren't dating, you know. Geez.

I also just discovered that my single Anthropology textbook is going to cost $20 more than my four English Lit novels put together. That seems a little ridiculous. A textbook, full of facts that are just compiled for easy reference, should not cost over four times the price of a work of fiction, created by someone completely from their own mind and probably put together over a year or more of hard work. I've watched someone write a novel, and it was intense. Textbook prices are bullshit. I am definitely not saying charge more for fiction, because then I couldn't buy as many books as I do. But stop over-charging so ridiculously for textbooks. You assholes.

I've lost all motivation to study for my tests. This semester now won't count, since I had to do pointless subjects due to my late enrolment. The last essay I handed in today is the worst essay I've ever written. It was very hard for me to hand that in, haha. But I just couldn't motivate myself to work hard on something that didn't matter. Sigh. So stupid.

Wish me luck for the party, folks.

Mild Case of Insomnia

I have to go to court tomorrow and give evidence about being held up with a knife at my throat. This happened almost a year ago. Within two months of the incident, I had managed to push the majority of the details out of my brain. On top of that, I had so many dreams (or perhaps nightmares is a better term) about it that I'm not entirely sure which memories are facts anymore. I just want it to be this time tomorrow and for the whole ordeal to be over. I don't want to relive it, and I don't want to make a fool of myself when I can't answer the questions either. Or if I contradict my statement.

My eyes are burning but as soon as I close them I'm wide awake. I think it's going to be a long night. The only thing I feel like watching is Stargate and I just finished the third season. I have to go to the video store to get season four. Potentially I could go now, they're still open for another 40 minutes. But it's cold out there and I really can't be bothered walking. Although it might help me sleep. I don't know.

Side note which is actually far more important in my life but isn't stopping me from sleeping, Dad is moving back up here. He and Bec (mainly Bec) couldn't handle the separation. I figured that would happen - I know I couldn't do long distance, and they have a kid to raise. So in a selfish way I'm happy, because I miss my Dad. But I'm also disappointed because he loves that job and now they'll probably both have to work and put Ben in fulltime childcare. I hope my life works out easier than theirs has, although with a degree in English Literature, it's not highly likely.

Tumblr

I just signed up for tumblr. I often want to post something quite short and I feel weird about doing that on here. I feel like I have to write an essay, so microblogging here I come!

http://itsonlyfiction.tumblr.com/

Fuck

Well Melbourne plans just went to shit. Not cancelled shit. Just, it's going to be way less awesome now shit. Maybe I shouldn't go. Maybe this is a sign.

Centrelink just kindly informed me that despite my financial independence and despite the fact that I'll be paying rent, I'm only entitled to the dependent rate of youth allowance if I live with my parent. That means $248 a fortnight. I currently get $377, plus $89 rent assistance. My rent is going to be $200 a fortnight. This means, I have to get a job. That ruins all my plans of focussing on study. Also, what if I can't find a job? $48 a fortnight is not enough for half of the bills and groceries, let me tell you. I don't know what to do anymore. I just really don't want to cry, and I can feel it coming. I was so excited about this whole moving thing, and now it's pretty much ruined. I hate Centrelink. I hate the government. I'm 20 years old, why should my father have to support me? Maybe I shouldn't move. What should I do? I really want to, but not if I'm going to be fucked when I get there.

Yes, Yes I Did Forget To Put A Title

I found out just now that it's just going to be me and Dad in Melbourne - the other guy is now moving to Queensland, lol. Coincidental much? It means higher rent, a larger portion of bills and more cooking, but I'm happy about it. Living with some random middle-aged man was the only thing I wasn't looking forward to. Shocking, I know. I'll be sending my belongings down in increments, not that it will be much without furniture, and that way Dad's mate can do it for free. He'll just chuck it in with another shipment and Dad will store it at his depot. So I made a list of the things I'll be keeping up here till I actually move. It's a very small list. Basically consists of clothes, toiletries, my 360 and my laptop, since Bec said I can borrow one of the (very small) TVs from upstairs. This flat will be very empty for the last week or so. Well, it will be furnished. But it will seem empty without my stuff. My books, my DVD collection, all my random things - they'll be in Melbourne. I might have to go out a lot that week or so, I think.

It's last week of classes at uni. I find out on Thursday whether or not I've been accepted to study online through USQ. Not sure what I'll do if I haven't, but I don't see that being an issue. I'm looking forward to studying at my own pace and in my own time.

Also, Karli has returned to Facebook, and it's a much brighter place now :P Haha, welcome back Karli. I missed you. :P

Ramble

I'm still happy. I think this is the longest run of solid happiness I've had in about 6 years. I had begun to believe it was impossible for me to be happy, but look at me now. I'm perfectly content, if a little anxious to move. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting now. Which I really will be once uni holidays hit. But I can use that time to read, to walk, to see my very few friends before I leave. The house down there, even though it doesn't officially exist yet, is going to be awesome already. Dad managed to get this amazing deal through his contacts and we'll now have a fancy as fridge, a massive 3D tv and a bunch of other great furniture. I'll be buying all new furniture down there too, because it's easier than shipping it all down, and he's getting amazing deals on that too. Can anyone say $150 for a custom made Captain Snooze quality queen size mattress? I finally have an excuse to get nicer furniture too. Dad and Bec are going to buy my old furniture off me in the long run and I'll leave them in the granny flat so they can rent it as fully furnished and get more money. Also, I'll only be paying $60 a week in rent. So I really don't need a job, which is awesome. I can focus on my studies and hopefully, if I'm a little more motivated, exercise. I really want to be slimmer but I don't want to stop eating yummy food, so exercise is really my only option. Apparently there's heaps of art galleries and stuff down there too - very excited :) And awesome shopping. Sigh. I can't wait. I think I'll get a Christmas casual job though, that way I can save a bit. If I decide to stay down there, I might switch to actually attending uni next year again too. We'll see though. Depends how I like everything when I get down there and get started living my new life. This is a very rambling sort of blog, but I really don't care. I'll save my good writing for my uni essays - I got a high distinction on my first one, so clearly this is working for me! Oh yes, I am way proud of myself. I was worried that the fact that I did well at high school wouldn't carry over to uni, but it did. Thank God. I'm pretty big on getting awesome grades. Average isn't good enough for me, because I know I can do better. Anyway, I'm off, my laptop is making me sweaty.

Moving Away

So I'm moving to Victoria in August, although I'll probably head down in July since I'm the one house-hunting. Dad works 12 hour days so he doesn't exactly have the time. I'm very excited but I'm also apprehensive about leaving everything behind. I mean, who wouldn't be? I've always lived here. I've barely been across the border to NSW. I'm very happy here too. Which makes you wonder, why leave it then? I figured, why not? Being 20 years old isn't about being settled, it isn't about staying in one place and calling it home. Brisbane will always be home of course. But being 20 is about finding out who you are, where you belong and what really makes you happy. It's about moving house a million times, living with different people and trying new things. I'm far from unhappy here - I love my granny flat, I love my step-mum, I love my uni (although I do complain about it a lot already). The thing is, I loved my job, and that was the one thing I was unwilling to give up. I'll still see my step-mum plenty, and my family and friends too. The house will still be here so I have free accommodation when I come up. A granny flat is just a granny flat, and what I love about uni is learning, so it doesn't matter where I am for that. The job however, was finally one that I didn't hate and I didn't want to lose that. But fate decided I had no choice in that and I got laid off. So I'll move. Everyone is either saying "I'll miss you" or "Melbourne is awesome," so I'm feeling pretty confident about living there. Plus, I'll be living with my Dad, so it's not like I'll be alone. It'll be a brilliant experience, and I can always come home if I want to.

I'm pretty disappointed that I won't be able to go to Costa Rica though, of course. BUT ISV said that although they can't refund my $600, they can give me a $450 scholarship for next year's program, so I will definitely do that. I might choose one of the cheaper options though, NZ or South Africa. I can travel to Costa Rica later when I have a real job. Or, a job at all, as it were. So I only lost $150, which is bearable. My savings are being greatly depleted already, because losing my job led to a big downer for me (I avoided depression though, which says a lot about how far I've come) and therefore shopping. Oh yes, I'm one of those girls. I bought boots and a couple of video games and a fair bit of fatty food. But I can build the fund back up again later.

I'm hoping that I can trade my services for cheaper rent in Vic. That sounds really disgusting, since I'll be living with my father and his workmate, haha. But I'm going to talk to Dad about being responsible for housework, grocery shopping and cooking in return for reduced rent, since they both work long hours. If I can negotiate successfully, I'm not going to get a job down there. Not just yet anyway. I want to focus on my studies, and I can survive happily off Centrelink, especially with low rent. I really hope he says yes, lol. I'm a good cook, I swear!

Despite my excitement...I hate moving. Le sigh. Hahaha. Way to end on a happy note.

Well, that's just great.

This will be a very short blog because my brain is not entirely functional right now.

I just lost my job. I was laid off because our store is $11000 behind in budget this year and the boss told my manager to fire the last person she hired. I popped in to rent a movie and lost my job. Cried in the store, made my manager feel really awkward. Bad day.

Probably won't be going to Costa Rica now, at least not in January. Am inquiring about transferring my deposit to the program for the following year. Hope they say yes.

Most likely moving to Melbourne. There's nothing for me here, and a new life down there.

It's a Big Bitch.

I think I'm going to be sick. Robert Pattinson plays Salvador Dali in a new movie called Little Ashes. Does nobody realise that he can't act? What director saw Twilight and went, 'hey wow, these kids are seriously good actors'? They aren't. They really, really aren't. It should be an easy series of films to act in, since the characters don't have personalities. Ok, well they have small ones. Bella's consists of being clumsy, and Edward's consists of being jealous over Bella. It makes me so angry that some moron picked him to play such a famous man. In case you aren't aware, Salvador Dali was a Spanish surrealist painter who was a bit cooky and unusual. Robert Pattinson looks nothing like him, even with the stupid moustache, is plain and nowhere near cooky and CANNOT ACT. I'm not sure what happened. Or how it happened. Just, what the fuck?

Separate topic - I am sick of Asians who come to Australia and don't bother to learn the language. I waste so much time at work trying to convey simple messages such as "You returned such-and-such without the disc" to Asians. It gets to the point where the only thing I can think of to try is to say it louder. Yes, because yelling WILL help. It just really frustrates me. Also, why do they answer their phone in Australia when they can't speak English. What is that going to achieve? "Hi, it's Tara from Blockbuster Sunnybank, how are you?" "...*long pause*Sowwy?" BAH! Fuck you. You're all so irritating. I love the Asians who come in, communicate effectively, spend a shitload of money in our store and say thank you. I love them. I hate you stupid non-English speaking idiots. Get out of my country.

Do you know what else I hate? Essays. That's all I have to say about essays, is that I hate them. Give me an exam any day.

Well folks (or folk, as may be the case - no clue if anyone actually reads this), I'm off to have dinner (yes, I am aware that it is now midnight) and watch Sherlock Holmes. Hoorah! My feet are cold.

General updatey goodness

Lily Allen is so amusing. I love her. I recently downloaded her old album Alright Still. Here's a couple of samples for you, readers.

Knock Em Out
Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like, "Alright" What ya saying,
"Yeah can I take your digits?"
And you're like, "no not in a million years, you're nasty
please leave me alone."

Friday Night
Good dancing love but you should of worn a bra.

Not Big
Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time,
What d'you want some kind of reaction?
Well, OK, that's fine,
Alright, how would it make you feel if I said you that you never ever made me come?
In the year and a half that we spent together,
Yeah, I never really had much fun.

All those times that I said I was sober,
Well I'm afraid I lied,
I'd be lying next to you, you next to me,
All the while I was high as a kite.
I could see it in your face when you break it to me gently,
Yeah, you really must think you're great,
Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks,
When I work my way through your mates.

That'll do, haha. I love her :)

Anyway, Dad moved to Victoria for work today. He couldn't find anything that paid decently up here, and they offered him a good position down there managing the Melbourne depot of RTS, a transport company. He managed the Brisbane one till they closed it due to the shitty economy. He's going to fly up every weekend to visit us, and hopefully it's only temporary. If it ends up being permanent, the whole family will move down and then I'll have a really hard decision to make. Hopefully that doesn't happen.

Work is still awesome. Although, I need less shifts right now because I'm falling behind on uni stuff. Oh well. The boss is on holidays so I guess it's to be expected that I'd have extra hours.

I've decided to spend Mothers' Day with my step-mum. My own mother didn't even wish me a happy birthday. She's not worth my time. Bec (step-mum) has been really great to me since I moved back in.

I built a computer all by myself! My Dad taught me well :) I bought all the parts, picked them out myself, and put them together. Took several hours but my computer is AWESOME. I haven't named it yet - I'm thinking maybe Shepard, after the Mass Effect character. I was so proud of myself.

I leave for Costa Rica on Jan 3, and return Feb 7. I'm kinda scared.

Best job yet.

It's really nice to go to work and genuinely smile the majority of the time I'm there. To genuinely enjoy the company of my co-workers. It's nice that the shifts don't drag unbearably and that the thought of work doesn't make me wonder if suicide would be a better option. It's nice that the customers have jobs and showers and don't abuse me because they brought their movies back late and got fees. It's nice that the whole computer system is really efficient and consistently works properly. It's nice that there's a store manager who isn't the owner and who works there full time as opposed to popping in once a week or so. It's nice that we can order the intelligent or foreign language or arthouse films because people in this area can actually comprehend them. It's nice that there's a really good sushi place just down from the store as opposed to McDonald's. It's nice that we do stocktake every quarter instead of once in four years (which only happened after we, the staff, harrassed the owner into organising it). It's nice to have a boss who has both a normal, functional brain and a sense of basic employee rights. It's nice that we don't have unpaid breaks that we can't even take. It's nice that we get proper public holiday rates. I never thought that a job in the EXACT SAME INDUSTRY could be so unbelievably better. It's just so nice :)

POSITIVITY!!!

Today was a really positive day for me :) WIN.

I had my first exam for journalism. It was multiple choice, took me about 5 minutes. Pretty sure I passed, lol.

Caught up with Karli, which was super awesome. Totally made my day that we still got along so well - was worried we had both changed and it wouldn't be the same. It's the same :) We're going to keep catching up, hopefully regularly. Hey, maybe I actually have a friend now! Lol.

I got accepted into this amazing program through ISV (International Student Volunteers). I'll be going overseas (hopefully to Costa Rica, otherwise Thailand, South Africa or NZ) for 4 weeks in summer to do 2 weeks volunteer work in conservation, and then a 2 week adventure tour. Absolutely awesome. It's going to be the experience of a lifetime. Extra shifts at work, here I come! Haha. I went and had dinner at my grandparents' house tonight to ask if I could borrow $500 for the deposit. Had a really good night AND they said they would just give me the $500, which is totally awesome of them. They need to stop getting old, I'm scared of them dying *touches wood*.

Anyway, had to blog quickly. I have quite a bit of uni work to do. Dammit.

P.S. Does it seem really bad to you that seeing my mother is more awkward for me than seeing an ex?

Ice cream

I've taken to obsessively checking Facebook and Blogger for updates. I think I need to get out more, I'm just totally socially deprived lol. I am getting out more soon! I'm going to the movies on Thursday night with Nathan and next Friday with Karli. So it's almost like having a social life. Almost.

I'm really getting exasperated with this cold. It was a cold, then the flu, and now it's back to a cold. I've had it for about two months. I haven't felt especially sick, besides the week where it was the flu, but it's just irritating me now. Constantly sniffling, and I can't afford to keep buying tissues damn it. Plus, the whole time I've been at uni I've been sniffling, blowing my nose in class, sneezing like a moron, and looking like crap (bloodshot eyes, red nose, blotchy skin). It's a very bad first impression. Bah. I've had enough.

Besides that...I am actually in a really good mood lol. Just not for any particular reason, so no blogging material there.

Later 'gator!

Crime

I'm doing a criminology class as an elective at the moment, and it's really got me thinking about the definition of crime. Some things are considered crimes when they really shouldn't be, while others that aren't, should. Here's a list of some of the most ridiculous crimes for my dear readers to enjoy:

In Eureka, Nevada, USA, it is still illegal for men with moustaches to kiss women.
In St. Louis, Missouri, USA, it is still illegal for firemen to rescue women who are still in their nightdresses.
In Oxford, Ohio, USA, it is still illegal for a woman to undress in front of a picture of a man.
In Kentucky, USA, it is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
In Conorsville, Wisconsin, USA, it is illegal for a man to fire a gun while his wife is having an orgasm.
In Hastings, Nebraska, USA, the law says that hotel owners have to provide a clean white cotton nightshirt for each guest. Also no couples are allowed to have sex in the hotel unless they are wearing these nightshirts.
In Willowdale, Oregon, USA, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
In Paraguay, duelling is legal just as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
In London, England, there is still a law that states London Taxi cabs must carry a bale of hay at all times.
In Iowa, USA, it is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants.
In Victoria, only a licensed electrician is allowed to change a lightbulb.
In Minnesota, USA, it is still against the law to hang male and female underwear together on the same washing line.

So you would think that with laws like those in place, something like adultery would be illegal right? Wrong. It's totally fine for you to cheat on your spouse. Go for it, fuck whoever you like. Smoking is legal, even though it destroys your body and pollutes the world. In a lot of places, you can own a gun. Sure, you have to have a license, but that license won't stop you shooting someone. Basically, laws are screwed up.

I was also horrified when I did a google search for "should be illegal" and about 80% of the results were "why abortion should be illegal" or "why gay marriage should be illegal". I suppose I should have expected this narrow-mindedness to be so predominant, since I have such disdain for the human race and usually expect the worst of them (justifiably so, in my opinion). But I was shocked. Neither of those should be illegal! What ever happened to the human right to choose? Ugh. People disgust me constantly.

Do you know what should be illegal? Not stopping at a pedestrian crossing when someone is about to walk across. Also: Not indicating. I think that is a traffic offence but it's not technically illegal and it's not policed anyway and I HATE it. It's not that hard to flick the indicator on, you don't even need to move your hand if you drive the way you're supposed to.

Return to the world of blogging.

Well, I'm back. I've returned to the internet. I don't really know why actually. I guess I've been feeling kind of...disjointed? I don't know if that's the right word. Separated from people. It's my fault, I've become the most anti-social person I know. My world now revolves around ... I just realised I can't finish that sentence. I wonder what that means about me. I guess I could say uni or my family, but realistically my world now revolves around me. Around what I want to do. I made a realisation that is going to sound horribly selfish: I am the most important thing in my life. I recently made a decision that impacted very badly upon the lives of my two closest friends and badly damaged my relationship with the best friend I've ever had. But as much as that is horrible and I feel awfully guilty over it, I can't say I regret it because it has genuinely helped me. I've been seriously depressed in recent months and I hadn't been able to figure out how to fix it. I moved back in with my father and now get to spend time with him and my two-year-old brother every day. Between that and starting university, I suddenly feel that life is worthwhile. I'm still mildly depressed because of the loss of that perfect friendship, because although she is still my friend it is not and I doubt it will ever be the same as it once was. I still have hopes that we will be friends for a very long time, but I've destroyed the trust there. I don't know if that will be built back up properly due to her own issues. But maybe now I can finally become a happy, functional human being, instead of just pretending to be so. Fingers crossed right, otherwise I fucked up the most important thing in my life for nothing.

I have a kitten now. I guess she would be my best friend, if I had to name one. I've only had her for a week, but I love her to death. She's a pain in the ass, wrecking everything and scratching me up badly but when she gets cuddly or has just woken up (which is often, she sleeps many times a day) she is the cutest thing in the world. I nuzzle her like a mummy-cat and she mews and purrs and licks my cheek. I started crying tonight because I had to get mad at her for chewing on my laptop cord and she was scared of me after that. I hated that something I loved so much was afraid of me. I'm going to make a weak mother. She's asleep beside me now - it's surprising that she's not actually on me.

Is it unhealthy that my best friend is a cat?

Uni is really helping my outlook on life I think. I now have constant goals along with long-term plans and I genuinely enjoy learning, although my Effective Writing class is the biggest waste of time I've ever encountered. It's like year 8 English. I think they forgot that to enrol in this course you had to pass senior English. Come on guys, stop wasting my precious time. It's such a different environment than any other I've ever been in though - uni I mean. The people are so diverse and some are still stuck in high school while others are either mature-minded or actually older. I find myself constantly amused by people there. Some Indian guy came up to me today and said "You look nice. Very glasses."

Another hugely positive thing in my life at the moment is that my workplace is shutting down. Sounds bad, right? WRONG. It's awesome. I fucking hate that job more than anything else ever. I have another job lined up so no worries. I have one more shift in that hole and then I am free. I will never, ever live or work in Woodridge again, I've promised myself. Yes, Woodridge really is as bad as they say. Worse in fact.

Basically, yeah, I'm still struggling at times. I still get down. But nothing like before. I've learned to control it too, when the blues strike, to stop it from going from a down to a deep, dark depression. I'm genuinely happy 90% of the time. My brother makes me happy. My father makes me happy. My kitten makes me happy. Everything is going to be ok...I hope.