Next year

I'm still really liking my new job. One of the girls quit today too, which sucks because she's really nice but is good because I'll be getting more hours. I'm hating uni right now though. I just have zero motivation for it because I don't even know if it's what I want to do anymore. So I've 99% decided not to study next year and just work heaps. I've gotta check with my bosses that they can guarantee me 15 hours a week till March and then 10 hours a week to cover expenses, but if they can I think I'll do that. I don't see why they couldn't - that's not exactly a lot of hours. Plus they're super nice and accommodating and helpful. Fingers crossed. I just need to force myself to finish this semester, which I really don't feel like doing. But if I drop out now I'll get a failing grade. Screw that.

Farewell Unemployment and Poverty!

I have been welcomed back into the world of employment at long last. I started at Howard's Storage World on Tuesday and I'm really enjoying it. The bosses (a married couple with three adult children who all work in the store) are super nice and helpful, giving me lifts to staff meetings and company conferences. The job is interesting, which probably seems surprising since it's a storage shop but I love homewares. The customers are so refreshingly non-bogan I could squeal with delight. As are the staff, who are really friendly and helpful. I'm also not the only newbie, and the other is a 50 year old woman who's never worked in retail before and therefore makes me look like the fastest learner on the planet. She's very nice too.

The awesome part of this job is that it's given me enough funds to get my own internet connection. I just applied for the new TPG 500GB ADSL2+ with home phone line rental. $60 a month for that is just an incredible deal, and I need a home phone line because naked ADSL deals are just nowhere near as good. I think it was $50 a month for 30GB, or maybe 60GB. So crap in comparison. Works out to $15 a week, which is less than an hour's work. Pretty sure I can handle that. It means that between my rent, internet and mobile bills I'll have $603 to pay a month. If my hours continue the way they are, I'll be getting paid $1260 a month, plus whatever I get from Centrelink after I report that income. I might just cover it, haha. Plus groceries of course, but with my amazing budget shopping skills, developed and honed during my three months of unemployed brokeness, I can shop for the fortnight for $80. I'm kinda nervous about how the initial setup fee is going to hit me, because it's going to cost $160 all up including the first month and the $20 home phone deposit, but hopefully that won't come out for at least 10 days. That's what they said anyway - 10 to 20 days to process the application. Then I'll be free of my parents' terrible Optus connection and download limit and be completely independent from them again, despite living in their backyard. Yay! I just need to try to resist the temptation to spend all my money next week. Should be ok, I'm pretty used to not spending money now haha.

I don't think I have anything else to really say tonight. I really want to go to bed and watch Heroes, so I think I'll leave it there. Later folks.

These Days Turned Out Nothing Like I Had Planned

About six years ago, I realised I liked girls too.

Now I'm starting to think they're the only ones I like.

Fear and Truth

I walked past this girl today. She was a twig. Probably weighed about 45kgs, and was a bit taller than me. She was walking, like exercise walking like me. Had the iPod, sneakers and everything. It scared me. What if she started off like me? I'm being really good about my weight loss, not being ridiculous. I have three meals a day and I do moderate exercise. But I know I could slip. I've slipped before. Last year I faked an illness to avoid eating. Jess picked it easily. I have to be so careful. I have my little checklist so that I have to eat every meal and stuff. And that's working perfectly now. I just have to make sure I don't lose the plot.

I think I've made a realization about myself. I'm not sure if it's right, because I'm still figuring out who I am. But you know how so many girls now are 'bi-curious', meaning they're straight but they like to mess around with girls for fun? I think I'm the opposite. I don't think I actually like men at all, I think I just like sex with men. I only check out girls. I'm more attracted to them. I connect with them more easily. They don't make me uncomfortable the way men do. And I don't push them away. I always push men away. I didn't go out with that guy. Maybe I really was worried about the kid and the age, or maybe I was worried about his gender. I don't really know. If some amazing guy walked into my life I wouldn't turn him away with a 'Sorry, I'm a lesbian'. Because I don't think I am. But I think I prefer women. By a mile. Like, 9:1 ratio. Sort of ruins my big life plan, but there's nothing I can do about that, is there?