The new outlook.

Seeing my family is a very exhausting experience for me, hence the 9:30pm sleeping last night. I think it's because I'm acting the entire time I'm there, unless one of my aunts manages to get me one-on-one, or I'm chatting to my cousin. The rest of the family has no idea who I am, and I'd like to keep it that way to be honest. They're not like me, and I don't think they would understand me, so it's easier this way. I sort of wish I had a different family, but realistically it's only my mother I'd like to swap.

Bianca and I have big plans, and I'm super happy about them because it's given me a goal. I'm now working towards something that matters to me, so I don't feel like my life is completely useless anymore. That was one of my biggest issues that was causing my depression - a lack of direction. Now, however, we're in serious saving mode. We plan to take a road trip around the country, and our goal is to leave by the end of 2010. We'll need a lot of money just for living expenses, but none for accommodation because we're going to buy a campervan. Bonus of that is that we can sell it afterwards and get a grand or so each back. I haven't been this excited about something in a long time. I'm really glad I'll get to do it with Bianca. She's the one person I could spend forever with and not want to kill myself.

I figured, with this extreme saving going on, I might as well lose some weight too. Walking to and from work saves bus money and not eating crap all the time saves money by not BUYING said crap. I started this today, so far I've walked to and from work and walked around the store all day, squatting as much as possible, and I've only had a yogurt and a little bit of leftover noodles. This is exciting me too, because I know it will work if I can keep it up. It's basically how I lost 30kg last time - walking and not eating crap. I don't have a weight goal though. I have a looks goal, which you probably all think is really awful but my BMI says I'm healthy. When I look in the mirror though, I don't see healthy. I see chubby. So I'll work on that. Maybe I could lessen the size of my boobs too - I hate them.