Return to the world of blogging.

Well, I'm back. I've returned to the internet. I don't really know why actually. I guess I've been feeling kind of...disjointed? I don't know if that's the right word. Separated from people. It's my fault, I've become the most anti-social person I know. My world now revolves around ... I just realised I can't finish that sentence. I wonder what that means about me. I guess I could say uni or my family, but realistically my world now revolves around me. Around what I want to do. I made a realisation that is going to sound horribly selfish: I am the most important thing in my life. I recently made a decision that impacted very badly upon the lives of my two closest friends and badly damaged my relationship with the best friend I've ever had. But as much as that is horrible and I feel awfully guilty over it, I can't say I regret it because it has genuinely helped me. I've been seriously depressed in recent months and I hadn't been able to figure out how to fix it. I moved back in with my father and now get to spend time with him and my two-year-old brother every day. Between that and starting university, I suddenly feel that life is worthwhile. I'm still mildly depressed because of the loss of that perfect friendship, because although she is still my friend it is not and I doubt it will ever be the same as it once was. I still have hopes that we will be friends for a very long time, but I've destroyed the trust there. I don't know if that will be built back up properly due to her own issues. But maybe now I can finally become a happy, functional human being, instead of just pretending to be so. Fingers crossed right, otherwise I fucked up the most important thing in my life for nothing.

I have a kitten now. I guess she would be my best friend, if I had to name one. I've only had her for a week, but I love her to death. She's a pain in the ass, wrecking everything and scratching me up badly but when she gets cuddly or has just woken up (which is often, she sleeps many times a day) she is the cutest thing in the world. I nuzzle her like a mummy-cat and she mews and purrs and licks my cheek. I started crying tonight because I had to get mad at her for chewing on my laptop cord and she was scared of me after that. I hated that something I loved so much was afraid of me. I'm going to make a weak mother. She's asleep beside me now - it's surprising that she's not actually on me.

Is it unhealthy that my best friend is a cat?

Uni is really helping my outlook on life I think. I now have constant goals along with long-term plans and I genuinely enjoy learning, although my Effective Writing class is the biggest waste of time I've ever encountered. It's like year 8 English. I think they forgot that to enrol in this course you had to pass senior English. Come on guys, stop wasting my precious time. It's such a different environment than any other I've ever been in though - uni I mean. The people are so diverse and some are still stuck in high school while others are either mature-minded or actually older. I find myself constantly amused by people there. Some Indian guy came up to me today and said "You look nice. Very glasses."

Another hugely positive thing in my life at the moment is that my workplace is shutting down. Sounds bad, right? WRONG. It's awesome. I fucking hate that job more than anything else ever. I have another job lined up so no worries. I have one more shift in that hole and then I am free. I will never, ever live or work in Woodridge again, I've promised myself. Yes, Woodridge really is as bad as they say. Worse in fact.

Basically, yeah, I'm still struggling at times. I still get down. But nothing like before. I've learned to control it too, when the blues strike, to stop it from going from a down to a deep, dark depression. I'm genuinely happy 90% of the time. My brother makes me happy. My father makes me happy. My kitten makes me happy. Everything is going to be ok...I hope.