I hope that you remember that pride comes before a fall.

I should be more grateful. I complain all the time, but it's just in my nature to do so because of the environment I was raised in. I have three best friends though, and they're genuine friends. They're all so incredibly important to me, and all in different ways. I'm so lucky to have that, because so many people struggle to find true friendship. I've started to take it for granted. But I try to tell them that I love them regularly. I really do, with all my heart. I can be completely open and honest with all three of them. Maybe I'm the luckiest girl ever. Except:

1. I'm incredibly lonely. I'm surrounded by these three amazing people pretty much all the time. Yet my heart aches with loneliness. I so badly want to find love again. I was over it for a while, I'd stopped caring and moved on to just wanting to get some action. But now it's back to wanting a full blown relationship. I really can't wait to find one again. One that's worthwhile, that is.

2. I've grown to hate my job. I didn't hate it before. But it has become progressively worse. The boss has somehow gotten lazier and more uncaring. The air con is broken and he won't respond when we ask him if it's being fixed soon. It's so incredibly awful in the store now because there is no air. I feel sick when I'm there, and I can't tell whether it's from the heat/lack of oxygen or from my hatred of that place and the people in it. The staff are lazy and unhelpful and just generally crap. The customers are incredibly frustrating and I find myself having to consciously restrain myself from punching them in their fat, ugly faces. I started looking at other jobs on seek today and became so excited at the prospect of quitting that I nearly started crying. But then I realised that finding a new job would be really, really stupid right now. In just over a year I'll be leaving for a three month road trip. If I stay at the job I have now, there's a 99% chance that I'll have a job waiting when I return. If I find a new job, they aren't going to appreciate me taking three months off a year into working there. Also, my job is stable. I'm way past probation and I'm a shift manager with guaranteed hours.

I'm stuck. Absolutely stuck. I cannot wait until the road trip. When I get back, I'd like to study. But I'll only do that if I've figured out what I want out of life. Otherwise it would be pointless. If I haven't I'll probably find some full time assistant store manager or reception job.

These dust storms are ridiculous. They're killing me. My sensitive (aka weak-ass) skin is freaking out, my eyes are watery all the time, my throat hurts and I'm sneezing constantly. Ugh. Stupid nature. Like spring wasn't bad enough already.